10 Things I loved about Jack

On November 22, 2018, three days after Jack Sikorski died with medical assistance, we celebrated his life at an event attended by family, friends, colleagues, and clients. Jack and I planned the event together a few weeks earlier. It was informal with no religion - just as Jack wanted - although there were a few speeches. It was my honour to share with attendees a small slice of why I loved Jack.  Here is what I said. 

Thank you all for coming today.  Jack was sure it would be a small celebration.  I assured him I thought not. I was right.  Small comfort really.  

I've spent a lot of time preparing for this day and indeed for this eulogy.  How to sum up a man like Jack in a few minutes?  How about 10 things I love about Jack. I could give you 100, but we all know Jack had no patience for long speech-making so I had to pare it down. 

1. irreverent – I recall leaving this funeral home with Jack after paying respects to other bereaved families, each time saying with mock horror:

“Oh my god, Jack, I can’t believe you just said that!” having dragged my proper WASPy self up from the floor I’d fallen through to exit on Jack’s arm. 

Decked out in formal black and looking every part the griever, he’d wave the cigarette he’d just lit in the air and reply: “They all looked so serious. I was just giving them a laugh.”  

2. inventive – Jack’s ingenuity has played a big part in our relationship and doubtless in his life pre-me too. Over the years, he’d be in a client’s house and spy something that was beautiful but not functional in some way. He’d remark on it and they’d often offer it to him. All these treasures ended up in his appliance repair shop. A year ago, the purging of the shop became like an archaeological dig as he found these artefacts. The discovery of each would prompt a diversion from the clean-up as he transformed the item into what he’d first seen in his minds-eye: a sows ear into a silk purse.

3. excessive – It was December 2011, our first Christmas living together. We were hosting a Sikorski party and at the last minute, I decided the meal would be improved with a baguette. “Jack, can you just slip out to get a baguette. Just one, Jack. I only need one.” I’m not sure why I felt the need to emphasize the need to have only one - I must have experienced his excesses before. He came home with six baguettes.

I had a more recent experience of this excessiveness. On my birthday, just a few weeks ago, Jack asked me to drive him to buy me a gift at Canadian Tire. This was his last trip there - a religious experience for him - and I wheeled him around as we browsed a bit until he bought me a Kitchenaid stand mixer. I was excited to consider what I might make with it but sad to think he wouldn’t benefit from the bounty. 

I thought we would just go home then but he asked me to drive him to the florist at the end of our street.  No wheelchair access so I supported him up the two steps to the front door. We entered and the three women inside were enchanted by him as he gestured to the flower fridge saying in his weakened voice, “I’ll take them all. It’s my wife’s birthday.” We sat chatting with the owner in her office while her shop assistant wrapped up an enormous bundle of pale green spider mums. Although we’d never been in the store before, we left friends. 

4. honest – I had a good feeling about this charming fridge serviceman for many reasons when we met in my kitchen nine years ago, but I was particularly pleased he didn’t offer me a cash deal. While I later learned there were times he was forced into transactions he didn’t feel good about, he knew he was responsible to contribute to the government’s coffers to ensure social and other programs for the betterment of Canadians. It was the first signal to me this was an honest man.

In the years since, I’ve heard Jack coach potential clients over the phone to fix their own appliances, losing immediate business, but gaining life-long loyalty from people who appreciate a principled man.

5. generous/kind-hearted – As many of you know, Jack oversaw the construction of a new garage at the house over the last year. We enjoyed watching a muralist bring a beautiful woodland scene to life on two sides of the garage which caught the attention of the local paper. A few days after the article came out, we received a note in our mailbox. It was written by a neighbour whose grandparents had lived in our house for decades and for whom our mural made her think about fond times at our house. She told us how grateful she was the house had been purchased by people who appreciated animals, as she did. A wistfulness came through in her note that spoke to Jack, who, despite serious illness by then, immediately said “Invite her over! Let’s let her see the house. I want to meet her.” We never had a chance to do this while Jack was alive but I intend to connect with Emily soon.

Jack’s kindness was coupled with naïveté sometimes. A young Czech man worked on the garage construction and Jack contracted him separately to do the stonework for the gazebo. Karel was struggling financially, being the sole breadwinner for a family of seven. Jack advanced him money a couple of times, sympathetic to the difficulty of putting food on the table as an immigrant with limited language skills and no local connections. The last advance was for $1000, money Jack couldn’t necessarily afford to lose, and so this one was papered with an IOU I had everyone sign. Karel then ghosted Jack. Months went by and then he re-appeared, saying his wife had kicked him out and taken his cellphone from him. Jack’s first reaction was “I should give him my old cellphone.” 

I responded, perhaps unkindly, “I think Karel has received enough from you.” And that was the end of the discussion. I don’t expect to receive payment for the $1000.  

6. talkative – I met Jack when he came to fix my cheap Danby fridge. I don't know how long we talked that day but I know I learned a lot about Jack! For the first two years of our relationship, we lived apart so we spent hours on the phone every night even after we’d just seen each other for dinner.

“So what did that client think of my dad,” I’d often ask when he returned from a service call. My father died before I met Jack but stories I’d told fascinated him, proving if he ran out of his own material, he was not above using mine. 

7. determined – Jack’s determination during these past few months has been both inspiring and infuriating. First of course was the determination to continue the very smoking that caused the cancer despite his medical team telling him at each appointment he stood a chance of recovery if he gave it up. More recently, despite being told that because he had a brain tumour, he was unlikely to have insurance coverage, he continued to drive. I get it, losing the right to drive for someone like Jack was the ultimate loss of independence. But then it got worse. When his balance deteriorated and walking became challenging, he steadfastly refused to use a walker and only agreed to use a cane because he had carved his own from a piece of a cherry tree growing in our backyard (see #2 above).

8. loyal – I don’t know anyone with more loyalty than Jack had. His most prestigious client, the Shangri-La Hotel, had a crisis in the steam sauna during the ice storm of 2013 and some rich client was unable to enjoy everything she’d paid for (we joked it was Madonna). Jack left the house to fix the boiler driving in conditions no-one should be in other than emergency vehicles. He charged them handily for it, but he didn’t do it for money or bragging rights. He did it because they were a good client and he wanted to meet their expectations.

He tried to demonstrate his allegiance to the same hotel just three weeks ago when he needed to instal the new boiler they’d ordered. While he knew he was too weak to manage this on his own, he nonetheless didn’t want to let them down by not getting it up and running before he died. I drove him there with two young men - the muscle - and I wheeled him into the ladies’ change room adjacent to the mechanical room. We were the most unlikely service team ever.  I have never seen Jack look as lost as he did, lying on the floor of that mechanical room, looking up at me saying “I don’t remember how to do this.” I talked him out of spending any more energy on it and we left the hotel shortly afterwards. He planned to return the next evening. I talked him out of that too and found someone else to take over the contract.  His heart was breaking. He felt defeated and terrible about disappointing the client. 

9. uncompromising - Jack didn’t compromise on anything and there was no greater example of that than his choice to die with medical assistance. He died as he lived – on his own terms. So admirable.

10. genuine – Jack was impressed by no-one. Earlier this year, he was called to fix the steam sauna in the Sleeman home. Sleemans was one of the first smaller breweries in Canada to take a bite out of the big brewhouses, Labatt and Molson. The family sold their interest to a Belgian brewery years ago for a ton of money. I drove Jack to the service call, one of those rare times he agreed not to drive in deference to the insurance issue. I walked the dogs in their neighbourhood while Jack was inside. When Jack got back in the car, I asked “So what is Mr. Sleeman like?”

“Why would I care he’s Mr. Sleeman?” he replied. “He’s just a normal guy.”

Indeed, it was common for Jack to say “if they don’t like it (whatever ‘it’ might be) they can go fuck themselves.” (an 11th thing I loved about Jack was his pithiness)

Jack always wanted people to enjoy themselves and this is no exception.  So I would like us all to raise a glass of Polish vodka to a man who loved and was loved. Na Zdrowie! 

Thanks – please stay and continue your conversations as Jack would have wanted.