I was stunned this week when Jacinda Ardern, New Zealand’s Prime Minister, announced she would step down in February.  Her words reverberated through me - she no longer has enough in the tank to carry on.   

Ardern’s had a helluva run as PM. She’s led New Zealand through a number of national crises including the Christchurch mosque shootings and the explosion of the volcano on White Island, an offshore island that had been a tourist attraction for years. And then, of course, there was her approach to COVID 19. She took decisive action to contain the spread before, it seemed, other countries really got their heads around the potential impact of the virus. Sure, it’s a bit easier with a small population of 5 million people well away from other countries. But she was a powerhouse and we all watched her in awe.

To those of us who’ve watched and admired women who’ve sought public office despite the many barriers in their path, Ardern’s been a particular fascination. She’s young - elected at 37 years old - had a child while in office, and has not shied from slamming the press for their sexism. In a press conference last month, a reporter asked whether she was meeting with Finland’s PM Sanna Marin because they are both young women.  Ardern didn’t miss a chance to explain why two people would meet, not because they are young women, but because their countries have many connections, noting the same question wouldn’t be asked of male leaders. It must be exhausting having to educate people all the time that being a young woman in a leadership role should not be a novelty.  

It’s well-known that the pandemic has resulted in many more people feeling like they were running on empty.  It’s no wonder - in March 2020, workers were thrust into a world that made no sense and had no precedent.  Many of us were working at home and some, working solo, for the first time. Others were working on the front-lines, either as health care workers or in roles that had to continue like grocery store employees. Still others had no work at all. We shared, though, a feeling of economic uncertainty. People looked to those in leadership roles, like Ardern, for assurance that we would all get through this together and for policies that would lead us in that direction. Vaccine rollout and global vaccine equity became the next crisis to manage.  With waves of COVID came waves of COVID emergency response.  

No wonder Ardern’s run out of gas. 

Burnout - that feeling of not having anything left to give professionally - is a very real thing. The Centre for Addiction and Mental Health (CAMH), Toronto’s leading psychiatric facility, describes burnout as: 

“a state of emotional, physical and mental exhaustion caused by excessive and prolonged stress. Burnout in the course of employment can make one feel emotionally drained and unable to function in the context of work and other aspects of life. Burnout can reduce productivity and can lower your motivation and cause you to feel helpless, hopeless and resentful.”

The piece goes on to describe that burnout leads to physical symptoms as well as disrupted sleep, reclusiveness, and, perhaps most significantly, feelings of inadequacy in the very work that’s the cause of it.  

Maybe I shouldn’t have found Ardern’s announcement this week such a shock.  You see, I had my own gas-tank crisis.  Readers of this blog will know COVID had a significant impact on me. I locked myself down on March 13, 2020 and didn’t really re-emerge until a few months ago; even now, I’m more cautious than most. Initially, I chalked my response up to a resurgence of grief.  The loss of my life as I knew it was very reminiscent of my feelings when my husband, Jack, was diagnosed with cancer and subsequently died in 2018. While the wound from that had started to heal over by March 2020, it quickly re-opened with the force of the lockdown and my response to it. A year later, though, as I became more confident that the world was not ending, just life as we knew it, I became increasingly challenged to stay interested in and motivated by my work. While I’m not likening myself to Ardern, I too felt some pressure to lead within the law firm where I was a partner and wasn’t sure I was able to be effective any longer. I did a burnout quiz* during a workshop on mental health and lawyering and scored high on the scale. As I answered the questions, I started crying, letting me know that if I didn’t make a change, I was going to be in trouble.  Or maybe I was already in trouble. 

It’s funny because I wasn’t a stereotypical lawyer. By that, I mean, I was always good at doing the things that are recommended for lawyers in burnout and I didn’t stop during the height of COVID.  I acknowledged my mental health issues to colleagues; I took regular breaks, one week/quarter, to recharge and I didn’t work during those times; I defined work in a healthy way, not seeing myself primarily as a lawyer, but as a human who happened to practise law for a living; and I set tight boundaries, working only during regular business hours, having one cell phone for my work life and another for personal, working only in one room of my house, and doing nothing else there. But yet, I too was burnt out. I got some counselling support through the worst of it, support that helped me get to where I am today.  

I wish Ardern the very best in the next stage of her career. It’s so important to recognize the signs and take steps, if you can. I say “if you can” because of course reinvention, quitting work, opening up to the possibility of something else, are all signs of the privileged. I am acutely aware of this as I do just that. I’m sure like me, Ardern wishes everyone had the luxury of giving up income to see what unfolds. 

I’ve had three weeks now of my hiatus from work and while I was pretty discombobulated during the first week, weeks two and three have proven exactly what I need to scrape those burnt edges from my professional psyche.  Looking forward to sharing with you soon some exciting news about my Third Act, but for now, unemployment is suiting me well. I’m sure Ardern will feel the same. 

* If you want to check yourself for burnout, here’s a self-test that might help.  https://www.mindtools.com/auhx7b3/burnout-self-test   Get help if you need it.

If you like what you’re reading, there is no greater compliment than to become a subscriber. Sign up with your email address to receive news and updates. Usually one each week - I promise I won’t spam you every day! (I wish I were that productive!)